As an author of a managing fear book, I struggled with fear, anxiety, and stress for over 20 years.
There were many times I felt like giving up because my fears and anxieties were stronger than what I could handle. It was difficult getting through a normal day and there were times I thought I was not going to make it. During those times, I could have been tempted to turn to alcohol and drugs to take away my fears, but deep down inside of me I knew that was not the answer.
The main reason why I didn't use alcohol and drugs to solve my problems was that they did not really do anything to take away my fears in the long-term. I realized that alcohol and drugs would numb the pain for a few hours, but then my fears and anxieties would come back. I also knew that alcohol and drugs were addictive and can be very difficult to stop. I figured I had enough problems aside from trying to deal with the vicious cycle of addiction.
I learned that I couldn't run away from my fears and anxieties.
No matter what I did, my fears and anxieties would always come back and there was no way to escape my fears. Running away or avoiding my problems through alcohol and drugs was not the answer. With this in mind, I determined my best course of action was to learn how to deal with my fears and anxieties in an effective manner. I reasoned that If I could learn how to manage my fears then I would be better off in the long run.
So I talked to various mental health counselors and read many books. I made it a habit to try to learn from my experiences. Every time I experienced a fearful situation I would try various techniques. Whenever the fears went away, I wrote down what worked for me and what didn't work in terms of managing my fears. Instead of running away from my fears, I used each situation as a learning experience so I would be better able to deal with my fears in the future.
I also asked God for help in managing my fears on a regular basis. Using the help of God is way more effective than using alcohol and drugs to take away a person's fears. I also made it a point to surround myself with supportive people who gave me helpful advice and encouragement.
It was not easy, however I continued to seek help and I didn't give up. In my opinion, getting the help you need and learning how to deal with your situation in an effective manner are the best ways in getting better. Using Drugs and alcohol to take away your fears and anxieties will only make things worse.
Showing posts with label Mental Health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mental Health. Show all posts
Friday, April 19, 2013
The Key To Emotional Trauma: The Fight Or Flight Response
So what actually happens when the brain switches gears? Envision sitting in a roller coaster just about to take off. You begin to feel your heart pound, palms sweat, arms tingle, breathing becomes rapid and a feeling of electricity flows through your body. In reality you are actually experiencing the first in a series of biochemical reactions sponsored by the fight or flight brain center called the "Amygdala." The hormone that is actually released is called adrenaline. Your body is now ready to go into protect mode.
To support this emergency response system, the thinking center of our brain is taken offline. After all, you do not have time to think. Muscular action takes over and does what is necessary to protect you.
Now that your body has been bathed in adrenaline, what happens next? A new biochemical called "endorphins" is released. Unlike the energetic adrenaline, endorphins produce the "freeze response," a natural anesthetic that helps the body calm itself down. People report feeling in shock as if they don't know where they are or what truly happened.
So what is so wrong with this bio-chemical response? For most people exposed to trauma, with a little time and TLC, they will recover. Others for a variety of reasons, will develop residual symptoms and may over time, get worse.
For people suffering from trauma-related illness, it's as if the limbic system, the home of the amygdala, begins to short-circuit. Every aspect of the original trauma, no matter how large or small, becomes highly charged. So whenever something in the person's environment reminds the brain of the trauma, the fight or flight response gets retriggered over and over again.
Now you can see how feelings of anxiety and at times, panic develop and you may not even know why. As this pattern continues and the symptoms intensify, people will begin to withdraw and feel isolated and alone.
Each event that connects the brain to a traumatic memory creates a retraumatizing event. You just "feel and feel" with no ability to think through what just happened. Shame, guilt and anger predominate and the trauma just does not get resolved. The person remains stuck in the "freeze response stage" never to re-emerge as the same person again.
Dissociation is another way that the brain copes with trauma. Dissociation trauma is described in psychology as a state in which people feel disconnected from their own senses, personal history or from their basic sense of self. This is why so often people do not recognize that their present state may be related to trauma experienced in earlier life. They may go a lifetime making decisions that are driven by reaction to past experience rather than on the best available data provided by the thinking mind.
Hopefully this article has provided interesting insight into how past experience can adversely affect quality of life and why the person may not even be aware of it. If you suspect or have some information suggesting that your past life experience was traumatic in some way, don't hesitate to seek assistance. Your past does not need to determine your future anymore.
Dr. Herbster has been a clinical psychologist for over 19 years and specializes in anxiety and trauma-related illnesses. As a psychologist and a trauma survivor as well, she knows how life changing these events can be. She believes that providing up-to-date information can assist trauma victims in turning a trauma into a triumph.
Friday, February 20, 2009
The Mental Side of Going Fitness Alone Married or Not......Part 1
Hi Readers!!!
The Mental Side of Going Fitness Alone... Married or Not.....
People around but feel alone.......
Do you feel crappy because you are with someone, surrounded by your family, and want so much for everyone to be on YOUR same page to get healthy …..wake up….this is not realistic. The best you can do is create YOUR own page, be an example, and inspire your mate and family to appreciate and hopefully desire what they see in you.
Alone and can't do it alone.....
Are you completely alone and feel no motivation at all to get healthy? Are you stuck in a hum drum routine of going through the motions of life, and hiding from what life could be? It may be a scary thing, but walking through a bit of fear and insecurity WILL be necessary to start your journey to getting healthy. Check out a few online fitness meet up groups in your area and look for physical activities that sound fun and non intimidating at first. This is a gentle way of meeting people who more than likely feel just like you, making new friends, and guess what….gaining a support group and the best motivation through workout partners.
The fear to change is real but you can do it.......
Living an unhealthy lifestyle can come from such deep and hurtful emotional pain, and choosing to hide ourselves in an unhealthy package serves as a security blanket or protection from further emotional pain. I realize that the fear and how you feel is real, but believe that YOU CAN DO IT…..getting healthy is a work in progress. Taking little steps and eventually letting go of that which has trapped the person you really are can happen. Checking out support groups may sound like a HUGE step that just can not be stomached, but if you open up just a little and allow a bit of vulnerability to take place, your journey to shedding that blanket can begin.
It is OK to set the example and be motivated by what YOU want.....
Have you lost yourself in someone else, and have given up what motivates you? Why???? It is healthy, fabulous, and fun to be motivated by what makes up YOU, and even better to set the example of a healthy lifestyle through what makes you happy. Believe me, happiness is contagious and what was once lost….will definitely make a BIG impression.
Change with a smile and positive attitude......
Are you changing and getting healthy for yourself? I hope so and doing so with a smile and positive attitude because it is a choice that YOU made. Again, this is not about changing for someone else, or hoping that the one you are with will change…..sometimes this does not happen and acceptance of this is crucial because regardless of anyone else, it is YOU who has control of YOU, your happiness, and your health for life.
Feeling angry about your mate......
Getting healthy and angry that your mate is not joining the party? Why? Each one of us is responsible for how we respond to life’s circumstances and people. This includes those near and dear…..those we love. Take a look at your parents, grandparents, children, etc…..are you angry with them or do you accept them as they are regardless of the quality of their health. This stance needs to be taken with your partner as well….your choice to improve the quality of your life is just that….YOURS. In a perfect world, we would all be healthy and happy, but all of us are on our own time clocks for life transitions. The very best you can do, is enjoy the journey to good health, and be a walking example of your life. So, grab an apple, give a kiss to the couch potato and go for a walk/jog. I have found over the years of working with clients that have significant others, that the partner wanted the physical and emotional changes of the client. Bingo….they are both working out together, eating wonderful new healthy foods, and enjoying the refresh of the relationship.
Why blame he/she for who they are….the only thing you can change is YOU
The blame game…..such a trap for unhealthiness and unhappiness. Are you there? Do you find yourself dwelling on past hurts, pains, and events and feel stuck and unable to move forward? Think about it…….what is this doing for you each day of your life except causing stress, depression, zapping your physical and emotional health, and a loathing nag that life really sucks....well THAT really sucks. Why Why Why??? The past can not be changed, and you definitely can not change the people who caused such pain for you…..what can you do…work on changing YOU. Accepting that the behaviors of others are not about you and out of your control, although disappointing, is essential to your being able to move forward. Sometimes this takes a few sessions with a counselor that you have interviewed, bonded with, and feel comfortable taking steps of sharing with. We all at times need help putting our lives into perspective, and it is definitely worth your health and happiness. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, but this moment is your gift to live the way YOU CHOOSE.
Accept others for who they are….
I may be repetitive on this one….but this is so true…especially for relationships now struggling with identity crisis. Who the hell is this person? I no longer know you? Why don’t you do this or that? Well….take a look at yourself….stop focusing on them and focus on YOU….you have NO control of what is going on in someone else’s brain and body…their thoughts, activities, and decisions. This is always the set up for unrealistic and REALLY disappointing SELF expectations we place on others and often times without they being aware of it. How unfair is that??? and how dissapointed are YOU because of it??? STOP STOP STOP creating within your own mind what he/she was supposed to do, what they were supposed to say and how it was to be said, how the birthday, anniversary, holiday that played such the perfect movie in your head with that person did not happen how YOU expected....hell....they did not even see the movie. Expect everything from your own actions, thoughts and feelings and have zero expectations from others, and consider yourself truly blessed and appreciative when something thoughtful happens to you......because that is the beginning of letting go and realizing YOU do not control ANYONE....but sure as hell can love them for who they are and at that REALISTIC MOMENT be truly thankful. Sometimes that which once felt like a dream seems like a nightmare, but taking control of feeling great for yourself through controlling your own responses to life with your own healthy thoughts, actions, and decisions for yourself will reap healthy benefits beyond belief….
As I gathered my ideas to write this article, before I knew it, 2 pages of inclusions developed and I realized this one would have to be broken down into parts, otherwise the book I intend to write would exist on the blog. So, as you read, remember that this is a "to be continued" article. The mental/emotional/feelings hiding deep inside each of us when it comes to getting healthy is a topic that simply is not addressed in books, etc.....and it is so HUGE....and so I am going there....and as you already know...I am a up front, tell it like it is, HONEST, fitness professional here to help you every way that I can....
The Mental Side of Going Fitness Alone... Married or Not.....Feeling unsupported.......
Are you sitting home waiting for life to happen for you, for someone to make it happen for you? Do you want to feel motivated by your partner, but all you get is a roll of the eyes. Are you living alone and feeling lonely….there is a difference. Is this keeping you from being the person you dream of being. You may very well be in a situation where you receive no support at all, but you know what…..it is up to YOU to achieve your own goals. True happiness, success, and complete health come from each individual person within….so why keep looking on the outside for someone or something to make it happen for you?
Are you sitting home waiting for life to happen for you, for someone to make it happen for you? Do you want to feel motivated by your partner, but all you get is a roll of the eyes. Are you living alone and feeling lonely….there is a difference. Is this keeping you from being the person you dream of being. You may very well be in a situation where you receive no support at all, but you know what…..it is up to YOU to achieve your own goals. True happiness, success, and complete health come from each individual person within….so why keep looking on the outside for someone or something to make it happen for you?
People around but feel alone.......
Do you feel crappy because you are with someone, surrounded by your family, and want so much for everyone to be on YOUR same page to get healthy …..wake up….this is not realistic. The best you can do is create YOUR own page, be an example, and inspire your mate and family to appreciate and hopefully desire what they see in you.
Alone and can't do it alone.....
Are you completely alone and feel no motivation at all to get healthy? Are you stuck in a hum drum routine of going through the motions of life, and hiding from what life could be? It may be a scary thing, but walking through a bit of fear and insecurity WILL be necessary to start your journey to getting healthy. Check out a few online fitness meet up groups in your area and look for physical activities that sound fun and non intimidating at first. This is a gentle way of meeting people who more than likely feel just like you, making new friends, and guess what….gaining a support group and the best motivation through workout partners.
The fear to change is real but you can do it.......Living an unhealthy lifestyle can come from such deep and hurtful emotional pain, and choosing to hide ourselves in an unhealthy package serves as a security blanket or protection from further emotional pain. I realize that the fear and how you feel is real, but believe that YOU CAN DO IT…..getting healthy is a work in progress. Taking little steps and eventually letting go of that which has trapped the person you really are can happen. Checking out support groups may sound like a HUGE step that just can not be stomached, but if you open up just a little and allow a bit of vulnerability to take place, your journey to shedding that blanket can begin.
It is OK to set the example and be motivated by what YOU want.....
Have you lost yourself in someone else, and have given up what motivates you? Why???? It is healthy, fabulous, and fun to be motivated by what makes up YOU, and even better to set the example of a healthy lifestyle through what makes you happy. Believe me, happiness is contagious and what was once lost….will definitely make a BIG impression.
Change with a smile and positive attitude......
Are you changing and getting healthy for yourself? I hope so and doing so with a smile and positive attitude because it is a choice that YOU made. Again, this is not about changing for someone else, or hoping that the one you are with will change…..sometimes this does not happen and acceptance of this is crucial because regardless of anyone else, it is YOU who has control of YOU, your happiness, and your health for life.
Feeling angry about your mate......
Getting healthy and angry that your mate is not joining the party? Why? Each one of us is responsible for how we respond to life’s circumstances and people. This includes those near and dear…..those we love. Take a look at your parents, grandparents, children, etc…..are you angry with them or do you accept them as they are regardless of the quality of their health. This stance needs to be taken with your partner as well….your choice to improve the quality of your life is just that….YOURS. In a perfect world, we would all be healthy and happy, but all of us are on our own time clocks for life transitions. The very best you can do, is enjoy the journey to good health, and be a walking example of your life. So, grab an apple, give a kiss to the couch potato and go for a walk/jog. I have found over the years of working with clients that have significant others, that the partner wanted the physical and emotional changes of the client. Bingo….they are both working out together, eating wonderful new healthy foods, and enjoying the refresh of the relationship.
Why blame he/she for who they are….the only thing you can change is YOU
The blame game…..such a trap for unhealthiness and unhappiness. Are you there? Do you find yourself dwelling on past hurts, pains, and events and feel stuck and unable to move forward? Think about it…….what is this doing for you each day of your life except causing stress, depression, zapping your physical and emotional health, and a loathing nag that life really sucks....well THAT really sucks. Why Why Why??? The past can not be changed, and you definitely can not change the people who caused such pain for you…..what can you do…work on changing YOU. Accepting that the behaviors of others are not about you and out of your control, although disappointing, is essential to your being able to move forward. Sometimes this takes a few sessions with a counselor that you have interviewed, bonded with, and feel comfortable taking steps of sharing with. We all at times need help putting our lives into perspective, and it is definitely worth your health and happiness. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, but this moment is your gift to live the way YOU CHOOSE.
Accept others for who they are….
I may be repetitive on this one….but this is so true…especially for relationships now struggling with identity crisis. Who the hell is this person? I no longer know you? Why don’t you do this or that? Well….take a look at yourself….stop focusing on them and focus on YOU….you have NO control of what is going on in someone else’s brain and body…their thoughts, activities, and decisions. This is always the set up for unrealistic and REALLY disappointing SELF expectations we place on others and often times without they being aware of it. How unfair is that??? and how dissapointed are YOU because of it??? STOP STOP STOP creating within your own mind what he/she was supposed to do, what they were supposed to say and how it was to be said, how the birthday, anniversary, holiday that played such the perfect movie in your head with that person did not happen how YOU expected....hell....they did not even see the movie. Expect everything from your own actions, thoughts and feelings and have zero expectations from others, and consider yourself truly blessed and appreciative when something thoughtful happens to you......because that is the beginning of letting go and realizing YOU do not control ANYONE....but sure as hell can love them for who they are and at that REALISTIC MOMENT be truly thankful. Sometimes that which once felt like a dream seems like a nightmare, but taking control of feeling great for yourself through controlling your own responses to life with your own healthy thoughts, actions, and decisions for yourself will reap healthy benefits beyond belief….
I realize that this is digging deep into truly getting healthy, and removing bandaids covering the crap hiding and keeping a healthy lifestyle from even being able to happen.....but going into the mental side of making the choice to begin a healthy journey is the key to open the door for a lifetime of good quality living.
to be continued........
Stay Healthy!!!!
Darla Benfield, LCPT, LCMT
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