The Mental Side Of Fitness Continued

Think your only support is in the house or only with your friends…WRONG…It is healthy to have your own interests……
Are you waiting around for your family to be active with you….waiting for spouse, teen, etc….guess what…YOU are in charge of YOU. I realize that being by yourself can be a bummer, feel lonely, and even scary…hell…I have more fun working out with a friend, but it is absolutely up to you to love yourself enough to make “ME” time for you regardless of your couch potatoes. Check out the classes at your local gym or recreational facility….You have nothing but good health to gain from the experience. Are you single and using the EXCUSE of… I have no one that will go with me to work out at the gym, or walk. This kind of thinking will never get YOU going. It is important to LOVE yourself enough to do it for YOU….eat healthy, enjoy exercise for the sake of moving your body…forget about waiting for someone else…think about it….that other someone may never come through for you…then what…give up…continue to make that your EXCUSE (yes, I am a hard ass here)….I say STOP today, put on your walking shoes and get out and absorb some vitamin D, breathe some fresh air, and MOVE!!! Love yourself THAT MUCH!!!

Reach out to others if your partner is not motivating you…..
OK…as much as you may want that perfect workout partnership….guess what…it may take time to happen. It is really OK and a fabulous idea to reach out to friends that share your interest in getting healthy, and getting in some great “ME” time with someone other than whom you live. You will probably be pleasantly surprised on how this will actually spice up your relationship because you will have new fun experiences to share. Do you feel guilty leaving your loved one behind or like you need permission to do something without them? Why? How healthy is this type of thinking…..not very….if it is keeping you from getting healthy. You will have to be your own motivation here, face any insecurity or fear, put the excuses in the trash, and call a friend today. If you do not have a friend that will help you be accountable and visa versa, try checking out your local gym for classes, or recreational facilities. I say start today by putting on your walking shoes, and MOVE…..enjoy the moment, take some deep breathes, appreciate your surroundings, and SMILE!!!!

Be strong in light of the pizza being offered….
You want chicken salad and he or she wants pizza….do not succumb to the temptations of your non supportive partner. This will be hands down the HARDEST part of getting healthy especially if you are accustomed to eating the same unhealthy foods together to begin with. Most pizza places also have salad bars and even deliver….imagine that. Stick to your guns, and set the example of good health with your nutrition. I realize it will not seem fair to have two different ways of eating going on at the same time…but think about it…YOU are the one who wanted the change, right? OK…so your eventual benefit will include an overall health improvement inside and out, and there is no greater reward than that:)

Unable to feel good about self….
This can be a difficult one. You may be in a very down place mentally, unable to get self motivated, and may not even want to see anyone. In this situation, start by letting some nice sunshine in your home, and take the first step to call a friend. There is nothing like the wisdom and support of a good friend to get you on the road to feeling better. You may also want to get in touch with your doctor for a few counseling sessions. It may take a while, but YOU are worth it. You are worth being happy and healthy….ask your friend for help in keeping you accountable. Take your chats outside for a power walk/talk…..a few sessions like this should boost your motivation and hopefully help get you on the path to feeling the best you have ever been!!!!

Talk yourself out of going to the gym…
Why Why Why!!!! This is what I call a big EXCUSE, and not acceptable…I am being the accountability police here. I can’t go because my work, my husband, my wife, my child, my chores, my school, blah blah blahhhh already. These are usually the same people that are getting in the TV programs, not missing social events, and simply wasting time doing other things while life is passing them by. I say if you have an extra hour watching TV….and usually it is hoursssssssssssssss, if honestly added up over the course of the week, you HAVE the time to exercise. Time to get honest, stop the EXCUSES, and get healthy!!!

TV over fitness…
I can’t emphasis this one enough….this society is technology driven, and media based. The television offers so much at the touch of the fingertips….let me ask you are you visiting the FIT TV channel and joining in on a fun workout? The answer to that question is usually NO. I challenge each and everyone of you to limit your TV watching to one hour per day for just ONE WEEK, and get to know yourself, be active, talk with your family, husband, wife, your girlfriend/boyfriend, meet with friends, take walks, play with your pets, and enjoy being active and real quality time that very often gets pushed to the side. After that fabulous walk and conversation, pull out a fun board game and laugh laugh laugh. Life is too short not to. I would love to hear how this experiment goes....

Stay Healthy!!!!!

Darla:)

Porn is Harmless to Relationships….Right?….WRONG!!!!

What a subject on a fitness and health website….got your attention right? After you read the article you will see just how this fits into getting healthy and staying healthy. I have been researching this topic for a few days and of course my need to help people, women, men, couples, etc is at the frontline of my mission writing this blog. What I will be sharing is very candid, may shock some, offend some, and put some on the defensive. My intention is to inform you on a topic that has been proven to be at the very heart of ruined relationships, broken marriages, lost jobs, loss of family, lost lives, and loss of self. Many remain in denial of the damaging affects that porn, especially online porn, is having on their ability to function in reality. If you see yourself described in any way within this blog, I encourage you to seek professional help today. I will be citing from specialists in the field and reputable publications to start the blog off:

“it is coloring relationships, both long-and short-term, reshaping expectations about sex and body image and, most worrisome of all, threatening to alter how young people learn about sex” Time Magazine, The Porn Factor, Jan 2004, Health

"The Internet is the crack cocaine of sexual addiction," says Jennifer Schneider, co-author of Cybersex Exposed: Simple Fantasy or Obsession?

I realize that both men and women utilize pornography but studies show that the largest percentages are males “71% Nielsen/Net ratings 2003”.

"Men become like computers, unable to be stimulated by the human beings beside them," he says. "The image of a lonely, isolated man masturbating to his computer is the Willy Loman metaphor of our decade." Mark Schwartz, director of the Masters and Johnson clinic in St. Louis, Mo.,

Men became, in the words of Dr Margaret Redelman, the president of the Australian Society of Sex Educators, Researchers and Therapists, "lazy lovers". In the end they could not be bothered with real-life sex. In other cases, sex lives became porn-like, male-focused, extreme and lacking in intimacy.

Women feel as if “They can’t compete, and they know it. For how can a real woman—with pores and her own breasts and even sexual needs of her own (let alone with speech that goes beyond “More, more, you big stud!”)—possibly compete with a cybervision”…. The New York Times, The Porn Myth, Naomi Wolf

“A man can easily be drawn into porn, where he never fails in the fantasy and where he can be sexually stimulated without facing the issues with his wife. But the truth is, pornography neuters a man. He becomes so wrapped up in this fantasy world that he is no longer capable of being excited by his own wife. She cannot possibly compete with the airbrushed models in the magazines and on the computer screen, so the husband simply loses interest in her.” Dr. Dave and Donalyn Currie, Help, My Husband Does Not Want to Have Sex

“women are feeling the consequences of porn in numerous ways. We see eating disorders, body loathing, plastic surgery, and unrealistic expectations in girls and young women. We seem women equating their worth to their form and its sexual attractiveness. We see depression and sorrow as the acceptance and normalization of objectifying women spreads throughout the world.” Jennifer Jones, Mental Health Therapist, Does Pornography Help or Hurt Relationships?

What are your thoughts after reading the citations? What the hell is going on? A man struggles with being able to achieve and maintain an erection and to his probable embarrassment have an orgasm with a real woman. A woman feels inadequate, has body image issues, and feels the pressure to be a porn star with a man. A man feels insecure about having a relationship with a real woman, and retreats to his fantasy cyberchick over and over again until the fantasy becomes his sexual gratification. A woman takes on the feeling that she is not good enough to arouse and satisfy her man….he does not desire me, what else could it be? Well ladies and gentlemen…hold onto your seats…A team of American researchers from Stanford and Duquesne Universities has called cyber-sex compulsion a "hidden public health hazard". Sexual counselors and psychologists in Australia are less colorful. Brett McCann, a senior lecturer in the sexual health program at the University of Sydney, says it is a growing problem "with big implications for the public health dollar. There's no quick fix, and by the time the problem is uncovered, there's usually a crisis in the relationship."

Are you in a relationship where things do not feel quite right? As women have you been rejected by your husband or boyfriend and find yourself being the initiator of all intimate contact? As a man, do you find yourself scared to date, or initiate sex with a woman because of anxiety around non-arousal? Do you find yourself in front of your computer screen on a regular basis searching out cyber sex/pornography? Are you lying to your partner about your cybersex activities? As a woman, out of intimacy desperation, are you performing uncomfortable sex fantasies with your husband/boyfriend? As a woman are you feeling disconnected during the sex act with your husband/boyfriend? As a man do you find yourself having to recall a fantasy during sex in order to achieve orgasm? As a man, have you lost desire for your wife/girlfriend? As a woman, have you felt your partner become distant physically and emotionally? Do you see your partner preoccupied with the computer and brushing it under the rug?

Just a few questions to think about as you try to figure out what is going on. “The secret use of pornography is the true home-wrecker, according to most of the psychologists contacted. The most common pattern is for one partner to eventually discover the other's obsessive use. "When it's consensual use in a limited way, it's unproblematic," says Eric Hudson, the national president of the Australian Association of Relationship Counselors. "But where it is secretive, it is experienced as a betrayal of the relationship." Further, once the intimacy has reached a point where typically the husband/boyfriend has started withdrawing from his spouse/girlfriend, the fantasy addiction has reached its peak and brain chemical release no longer desires/responds to what his “real” partner has to offer.

This opens the door to explain just what is going on with the “WHY” your husband/boyfriend is not desiring you. First of all….it is not YOU!!!! I have had the recent opportunity to read numerous heart wrenching stories and cries for help surrounding the compulsive use of pornography and the damage it has caused to women and men.

Picture a person viewing cybersex or pornography and then look into their brain and body as the visual stimulation creates a release of chemicals; epinephrine, an adrenal gland hormone responsible to “lock-in” what created the experience occurring at the time of high arousal; adrenaline, adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH), noradrenaline, norepinephrine, testosterone, among others. This instant chemical hit or high created during the cybersex session can be created over and over again at the push of a button. Unfortunately the brain has created a memory or trigger that sexual release correlates with cybersex and eventually after habitual use responds only to that trigger. This also explains why men who view pornography habitually suffer sexual inabilities that they are usually embarrassed to admit: erectile dysfunction, inability to maintain erection, or inability to orgasm. Typically they will choose the fantasy cybersex for the “sure” sexual high that can be achieved rather than take a chance on feeling insecure or embarrassed being intimate with the “real” deal. As a man you may feel duped not having full disclosure of the side affects to compulsive porn use, and are struggling inside to even talk about it. I encourage that you can be better and recapture what was lost….the first step, if you are with a wife/girlfriend is to be honest. Your mate will probably be more understanding than you realize as she will also regain a part of her self esteem, not feeling to blame for the physical distance. Also, seek the guidance of a licensed therapist.

Men, I understand this is a very sensitive issue, one that many of you keep hidden, are ashamed about, and feel guilty to admit. Let me ask you…..is this good health? Do you want to hide behind a secret life that consumes you, distorts the true picture of intimacy, promotes lying and betrayal, robs your finances, puts you at risk to lose your job, and your family? Or do you want to be a man who lives a fulfilling, successful, happy life enjoying and KNOWING a true and REAL intimate relationship? I know this is laying it right on the plate and the answer probably is easy to say but not so easy to do, especially if you are already deep into compulsive using. My hope is to inspire you to reach for that healthy life….….

Women, I realize that you may feel like you have hit rock bottom if you are on the receiving end of rejection and betrayal caused from compulsive porn use. I understand how feelings of sexual inadequacy, feelings of why am I not good enough, pretty enough, horny enough, and why doesn’t he want me, can be so overwhelming. You may be putting your self worth aside just to be with your partner doing and saying things that make you feel uncomfortable. Tell me….are you happy? Are you physically satisfied? Are you emotionally happy? Are you loving yourself? Are you being the porn police? I ask you…..are you living a healthy life? I am here to tell you that you are good enough, that your sexual needs do matter, you do deserve respect, and to inspire you to love yourself and let go of those things that you just can not control. You do have a choice to live a healthy life filled with happiness, success, and true REAL intimacy. If you are enabling a compulsive porn user….why? What are you getting out of the transaction? Why are you not setting boundaries? I will say the same to you…I know this is laying it right on the plate and the answer probably is easy to say but not so easy to do, especially when you love someone. My hope is to inspire you to reach for that healthy life as well…..

Although this message may be one some of you may not want to hear, I am an advocate for good health, and healthy relationships, and the negative impact porn is having on many marriages and committed relationships is a matter that needs to be addressed. Further it is at the core of many health issues today: depression, eating disorders, body image issues, stress, not to mention ED. This article is not meant to judge or condemn, but a message to inspire you to be honest about where you are with your life, and to get healthy……..……

Stay Healthy!!!
Darla

I wanted to add a couple of helpful links

http://www.recoverynation.com/

http://npsupport.net/community/index.php